finished the last entry
Written: 2006-04-03 at 1:50 p.m.
ok let me finish the last entry and then i'll add a new one.
so my therapist and i ended up discussing the various reasons as to why i could possibly be losing weight. distorting the amount of food i'm eating being one of them. and my metabolism getting restarted being another.
she thinks i'm completely against the idea of going over 120. which while i'd love to stay where i am. i'm aware i'm not going to. so uh no.
i leave. i go home and eat salad and a piece of pizza. because salad is not going to cut it that day.
i eat like a beast for the next few days because i've got a dr's appt. bright and early on saturday morning. that gives me two and a half days to do something about my weight. i stuff myself for the next few days, and nothing changes. not a freaking thing.
i go in on asturday morning, hung over and lighter than i've been in years. and ask her very nervously if she can skip over weighing me. she asks why, if i'm going to be higher and upset or less and she's going to be upset. i say lower. but i don't know how to explain it.
she smirks and say well you look like hell did you puke last night. that might explain it. i laugh and say no, while i am hung over i am not lighter because of drinking.
she asks if i've been eating i say yes, to the point of my feeling disgusting. and i haven't been excercising, i haven't been puking i haven't been doing any drugs, i have been doing anything except what i'm supposed to be doing. and she looked at me and said really? maybe your metabolism is burning more calories then because its returning to a normal functioning level. so you should be able to eat more without gaining weight.
i don't believe it. it can't be that simple.