babble
Written: 2006-06-02 at 11:56 p.m.
today was kind of rough day. it seems like everything that could go wrong in the past few days has.
i lost my health insurance because of a bank fuck up. so i'm going to appeal it but it will more than likely not be reinstated. so i've got to scramble to find a new provider. this is not good considering the amount of times a week i visit medical providers. i was supposed to get a bone density test done next week and i was actually really nervous about it because my estrogen levels have been so horrible low for a really long time now. and i can't even begin to think of how expensive its going to be. this sucks huge.
the internship that offered me a job ... well i had a very long talk with my professor today. and i was completely honest with her. i don't know if i'm ready to go back, while i feel like i am, i don't know if that's just because my levels of stress have been so relatively low lately.
she wanted to know what my team thought. i told her that while my dr had agreed to clear me next week provided i could maintain my weight she did not hesitate to let me know she would withdraw me immediately should i lose a single pound. and that my nutritionist felt it would be better if i waited to be cleared at a higher weight and after maintaining for at least a month. she thinks this is a better idea. in case i throw myself into this internship and get stressed out then i have a little bit more padding (haha pun intended) and am not going to be faltering when i have no leeway to be playing with.
she assured me that i am a top student in our program even in spite of the eating disorder, and kept reassuring me that i would find a internship, and this job offer would not be the last one. that i sholdn't put this much pressure on myself to come back before i am ready physically or mentally. that she doesn't want to see me wind up worse than i am now. because it would be far worse for me to be in the intership and have to withdraw from it because i get worse than waiting another two months to return and be that much better.
so i'm going to see if i can volunteer one day a week just for the experience there. i dunno i feel somewhat relieved because i was getting so stressed out just about getting this all worked out and if i was going to be able to handle it or not. so well ... there it is. it will work out.
okay now that i'm done babbling ...