fucking metabolism
Written: 2005-11-21 at 10:02 a.m.
ok therapy problem solved.
my old therapist whom i adore and who put herself into early retirement by giving birth to adorable twins has decided that she wants to comeback to work ever so slowly and i get to be the lucky first patient she takes back on.
no more fidgiting and mumbling for me. yippee. now i actually have to talk. i feel guilty for bringing her out of her early retirement, because i do think my dr called her and told her something. and relieved ... now i can actually freak out on her couch and not worry that she's going to think i'm a freak cause i already know she does but somehow likes me anyway. whatever my hour of therapy more than pays for the babysitter.
i feel bad about the other therapist, she was super nice. i hope i don't have to tell her that i'm not going back. i don't want to hurt her feelings.
i ate so much last night i still feel full. needless to say i don't feel so much like eating any time soon. i know wrong attitude. whatever.
my body compleetely baffles me. i try and try and try to lose weight i eat minimal calories and i gain weight. i finally lose weight and then i over eat and my weight drops or at the very least remains the same.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY METABOLISM!?!?!?!?!?!? god mocks me.
why couldn't this happen when i was at a normal weight and trying so damn hard to lose weight? then it wouldn't be a fucking issue. then i wouldn't be scared to go to the dr. my scale says 118 that means i think that i weigh either 116 or 115 cause her scale is two to three pounds less than mine. i'm in so much trouble its ridiculous. how on earth did i lose another three to four pounds eating all weekend? explain that to me. please someone enlighten me?
this happens every single time i get down to a low weight and then try to eat more and maintain my weight i just keep dropping weight get into a lot of trouble. and unless someone sees me stuffing my fat fucking face all the time they wouldn't believe that i'm eating at all.
i hate my metabolism. i want a new one.