shoulder deep shit
Written: 2005-11-18 at 11:11 p.m.
oh jesus.
119 pounds, i lost two and a half pounds from wednesday and broke the 120 barrier. my goal wieght was 123. i got on the scale thinking i would be fine ... the same from wednesday if not more because i had just finished a large bottle of water. i swear on everything i did not mean to lose anymore weight. i don't know what happened.
my dr. yelled at me for a good twenty minutes. seriously yelled at me. managed to bring drugs into the conversation which brought about more yelling. this is the lowest i've been in years.
i am in deep shit. i tried to eat this morning and cried. i am finding myself in more and more turmoil over every bite i take and this is not good. i know this.
i am trying really hard to tell this all to my therapist. i just kind of fidgit and nod my head and mumble a lot. i should just print out these pages and bring them to her.
i don't even know why i'm typing this. whats the fucking point. all i do is whine. i am useless these days. sorry mark - no heroics here.