stupid rant
Written: 2005-12-12 at 6:18 p.m.
ugh i've got a zillion things i could write in here. none of which make sense to me.
i'm frustrated at trying to eat more. i think i'm not eating as much as i feel like i am. i feel like i'm not restricting because well anything is more than 200 calories. but i think i'm overestimating way too high, i've had hot chocolate and wheat thins today. i should be hungry and i'm not. i'm afraid to eat when i'm not hungry because the last time i did that i gained over 40 pounds.
now i am not in a position where i need to do that. i'm not planning on gaining more than 5 pounds. and have not in fact gained more than 2 pounds which is fine by me. but am absolutely terrified that i will lose all control and will not be able to stop gaining weight which is what brought me back to this in the first place.
i should just be shot. this is a stupid rant.